This creative commons Flickr image is from Nicola Jones. Last Friday I had some minor laryngeal surgery in Richmond, Virginia. I have some pain. I am on pain meds that make me loopy. The nurse warned my wife that I might be grumpy because of the steroids I am on (and I think I am grumpier). I am off of caffeine, and on a soft food diet (smoothies, scrambled eggs). I am on strict voice rest for what looks like 2 weeks and then partial voice rest for another week. Amid all this I realized something: it is a lot easier to practice Zen when you are feeling well and things are going your way.

The day after the surgery I meditated and it was like switching channels on some cable network that only plays fantastical shows. There I am on some tall fortress made of cushions surveying some battlefield and I am a bit worried the fort will topple over. Focus on my breath. Cheryl and I are having some argument about whether we are currently in Costco or in bed sleeping. Focus. There’s some Great Dane that jumps on his owner’s motorbike for a ride. Eeeks. I am awake, trying to meditate, and I am having a slideshow of weirdness. And the next day’s meditation is more of the same.

It’s also challenging to practice compassion and generosity. When I am sick I want to be the center of the universe and get a tad grumpy when things don’t go my way. How come Cheryl is going around and around and around the block trying to find a parking place when she should just park so we can go in to Boyer’s Ice Cream and get a nice cold shake for my throat. Doesn’t she know I am sick? A student inititiates a chat in GoogleTalk to get some clarification about a programming assignment and I am irritated.

These are perfect opportunities for practice. Perfect opportunities to touch grumpiness, irritation, racing wild thoughts. To examine them, to accept them (yes, I am grumpy) and let them go. It’s easy to practice compassion in a nicey nicey world, perhaps sitting on your meditation cushion spreading compassion mentally to people who are challenging to to. It’s quite another to engage in compassion as right action when that person is hollering at you, or, in my case, simply engaging in compassion when you are not feeling well.

Last night I read a bit of the Toni Bernhard book How to Wake Up: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide to Navigating Joy and Sorrow where she says that when you catch yourself ruminating on your struggles try an exercise she calls “Start where you are.” Well, these last few days I have been ruminating on my struggles so maybe this exercise is for me. She suggests reflecting on how everyone’s life is sometimes easy and sometimes hard. About an hour after reading this passage, I received a post from my Zen Teacher, Daiho. In it he said that he fell hard that morning on a training run in the desert. He broke four bones in his hand, the doctor splinted the hand and is considering pins and screws. That Zen sandwich of me ruminating on my sorrows, Bernhard saying no one gets a pass on sorrow, and hearing of my teacher’s injury was a good reminder.

No one gets a pass on life’s struggles. Don’t believe me? Listen to some country music. Gary Allen Sings:

Life ain’t always beautiful
Sometimes it’s just plan hard 


It was good to reflect on the fact that everyone struggles and then acknowledge my difficulties— my struggles. And think I start with where I am. To at least make an attempt to accept and engage my life as it is.

The task for all of us is to live our lives with this world as it is. It is a practical task. Unless we practice, we will live our lives off-balanced, constantly reacting to what is going on around us. Sickness pushes us one way, …. off balanced and in-chaos. With practice you can live a life filled with poise. Someone or something pushes you and you bobble back to balance. Instead of reacting, you are responsive. Instead of reacting by screaming, shopping, or whatever, you gain an ability to respond and not react and your response is friendliness, compassion, and joy.

Be well.